Finding joy

Lately I’ve been stuck in a rut. Unmotivated. Lethargic. Uninspired. I admit to feeling like this from time to time and my usual go-to pick up is to find a project to fulfill this void.

On the other hand, I have so many things that I have to do. Work stuff to complete – audit, case report, e-portfolio (big groan). Start preparing for my START assessment – kinda like an assessment to see how well prepped one is to be a consultant (even though I’m two years away but have been advised to start doing it now, so I can work on any weaknesses/recommendations). Extra curricular stuff that I wish I can just stop doing. Need to get more fit. Teach kids more malay. Be more active in islamic teaching. Sort my stuff in the back room. Finally finish up the Japan scrapbook. Oh and go to work and do a good job out of it (once many moons ago as a house officer, my registrar told me a good day is when you don’t kill anyone. I love and agree with her standards).

And then it gets overwhelming and I just don’t want to do anything anymore.

Do you ever get the feeling that your life is becoming out of control? Instead of taking charge of it though, it feels easier to just let things be and just do things when they are absolutely necessary or when I feel up for it, whichever comes first.

What I have realised is that when Marie Kondo said we should only have things that brings us joy, she doesn’t just mean things in a materialistic way and actually mean every aspect of our life.

All these things that I’m doing – is it bringing joy to me?

Of course, not everything in life can be joyful to us. Paying bills and finding the best car insurance deals does not exactly flutter happiness in one’s heart – unless you love the satisfaction of finding good deals? Those are essentials. But accepting they are essentials and getting on with it is crucial to finding that joy.

There are plenty of things in my life that is not essential and does not bring me joy. So I think it’s time for some decluttering of activities and ‘hobbies’ (does facebook stalking count as a hobby?). And insert more things that brings me joy.

On that same note, there are things that I feel I have to do, like teach my kids malay. It feels like hard work at times and no wonder the kids feel like its hard work if their teacher feel the same way. There are times though when it’s easier, like when I’m reading Malay books to them at bedtime – somehow they’re more receptive then. I get their attention and we can have conversations in malay (by that I mean, I speak in malay and the answer is in english. If I’m lucky, I might have the odd malay words repeated back. Small steps….).

Perhaps not everything will be joyful – some things will be hard but it’s finding the more joyful parts of it to keep one going.

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