I just gotta write this because I know I’ll forget.
Zayan, my first born.
I think the fact that I went part time for the first 12 months after maternity leave really cemented our relationship. We spent so much time together and he was my buddy during maternity leave/off days. I took him everywhere. We went to the park, to town, drove outside Leicester just me and him. He was clingy and attention seeking as a baby and toddler and then somewhere after he turned four, he just became more and more independent and enjoyed playing by himself.
We are so similar too that I understand where he’s coming from and how he feels. I get him.
Sometimes because he’s independent and Ayman is the opposite (usually not because he cant but he wont), I leave him to it more. Ayman gets jealous when Zayan get cuddles or sits with me. They’re both competing to talk to me. And Zayan being ‘Abang’, mengalah jua selalu. So kadang2 kesian jua…. I really should make a point of spending time with just the two of us.
I cant even try to encapsulate what a character Zayan is. Maybe you can tell from my IG and Zayan’ sayings on facebook. He is definitely an extrovert, and also emotive and intuitive of people’s feelings.
He asks a lot of things (though once claimed that I probably dont know what he’s asking and will ask Ayah instead – it was a science qs and he was right, I didnt know the answer to it). He is also fairly philosophical and he asks the hardest questions (Is Allah a man or woman? So if he’s not both, what is he? How come Allah doesnt talk directly to us? Why do bad men do such and such? Why does Saturn have rings? Not how but why!).
He cried when I said all animals die anyway (consequently our first proper conversation about death – aged 4.5 yrs) and when he was told that we will grow old (“like nini boy nini girl?” cue major drama and tears).
He is far more confident than I ever was as a kid and I hope nothing will dampen his spirits, confidence and thirst for knowledge. I love you Zayanino!