It occured to me the other day that I have been in this country for 16 years this September. That is so freaking long. How did my parents ever let me go at 17 years of age to live in a place thousands of miles away , to a place that they havent even seen before???
Anyway, the thing is despite all these years I still have homesickness bug from time to time. I used to get really depressed whenever homesick. Lying in bed and not wanting to do anything. Thinking why did I ever decide to do this (come to UK and doing medicine). Nowadays its not so bad because its hard to mope around with 2 kids being rambunctious and work being a good distraction.
It’s always worse whenever I come back from holiday in Brunei. Other times, the feeling creeps up on me suddenly. Like the rare time that the sun is shining on my face so bright and looking at the blue skies reminds me of home. Or coming across a picture of the beach. Or the other day when there was a picture of a (heavenly looking) slice of durian cake.
Sometimes it’s the time when I listened to urang cakap brunei. Macam urang melatah kah apa. Rindu jua sebenarnya.
I’ve also come to realise that the things I miss are those that has to do with my senses.
Listening to raindrops on zinc rooftop.
Driving and looking at the vast blue sky.
Eating. (Enough said)
Heck, sometimes I think I miss the feeling of humidity that Brunei brings (whenever I go back, I actually dont).
Sometimes seeing people who reminds me of my family gets me. The other day I saw this old lady, her wrinkled hands and her slow walk. It reminded me of my grandma and how much I miss her. She passed away and I wasnt there, as did my three other grandparents whilst I was here. That fact always strikes me you know. That time does not stop for anyone.
Sigh. Only two more months to holiday time.