You only miss it when you lost it


Longing for a holiday and get me out of this October winter! Why can’t I live in San Francisco and have these stunning views from my window?

I’ve come down with the flu the last few days. I am coughing and sniffling and having rigors in between hours of my shifts. When I bend down to listen to the chest, the snot actually trickles down and threatens to drop and so I can’t bend my head down much anymore in order to look professional in front of patients/parents. Yes I am feeling sorry for myself. I am wallowing in my snottiness and headache.

Due to swaps and covering for other regs last week, I have been working in the Children’s Assessment Unit a lot more than normal (5 CAU days btw, of which 4 were on call). And this week I am on twilight shifts (4 pm till midnight). As a result of the constant working and my (man-)flu, I have been  pretty much on survival mode: eat, work and sleep. And trying to appear living with my boys. I cannot keep up lah, all I want to do is sleep when off work but I do miss them and they miss me too!

When you’re on survival mode, other things don’t matter so much. Social media. Other work commitments. Hobbies and sports. No, no, you just focus on keeping moving. Keep moving and do the next task.

But today I have the morning off whilst childminder looks after Ayman and I can CHILL before my afternoon shift. I miss these times. The luxury of not doing anything. Like I don’t care that I have to fill in some monitoring exercise. I don’t care that I need to hand in a draft of guidelines in a week’s time. I don’t care that I haven’t updated @bruwomendo. I don’t care that I haven’t done any work based assessments recently. I don’t care that I haven’t even started on finding a new childminder because our current one is pregnant (sobs…I mean, I’m happy for her but….sobs….).

For a few hours, I just want to do NOTHING. And think NOTHING.

Except for that monitoring exercise. Ugh.

During my current illness (flu), I have also been reflecting. You know how when you lost something, you start missing it. Yeah man, I miss my healthy body. I miss my non-sore throat and a clear head that doesn’t feel like cotton wools are packed in it. I miss feeling so energised ready to take on the world (oh wait, I think I left that in my twenties). It’s true what they say. You have losses to appreciate the good things in life.

I’ve also been thinking… I need to write more in here. I miss writing here. I’m gonna make a vow – I will write here EVERY week. Ok so I always break my own vows but I will try to follow this through!!!!

Lotsa love,



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