Third culture kids

And so my 90 day fiance addiction continues. I am now watching Season 2, having finished Season 3 yesterday. One of the things broached by a father of the groom, who was skeptical of interracial relationships, were how hard it would be for the kids.

I have – and still do – think of how it would be for my kids. I came across a term before: Third culture kids.

Taken from Teacher Wiki,

Third culture kid (TCK) is a term used to refer to children who were raised in a culture outside of their parents’ culture for a significant part of their development years.[1]The definition is not constrained to describing only children, but can also be used to describe adults who have had the experience of being an ATCK (Adult Third Culture Kid). The experience of being a TCK is unique in that these individuals are moving between cultures before they have had the opportunity to fully develop their personal and cultural identity.[2] The first culture of children refers to the culture of the country from which the parents originated, the second culture refers to the culture in which the family currently resides, and the third culture refers to the amalgamation of these two cultures.”

Ok firstly, just to confuse everyone, M comes from a mixed race family himself (half bengali, half chinese – adopting neither bengali or chinese culture or language). Then take me, Bruneian girl who has lived in UK for 14 years with a slight American tinge to my spoken English/accent. Then we have our kids. And one day, inshaAllah, we will bring our kids to Brunei.

Oh boy, that will be interesting.

I’m always scared of the boys not fusing well with the language, the culture, because they’re used to being here. I want them to have a sense of belonging. I know at the end of day, we are Allah’s Abd, His slaves – so culture and race and language shouldn’t matter. As long as we have our deen, it would be ok. But I can’t help but think of how important my culture is to me. I know there are some parts of Bruneian culture (like the wedding culture) that I disagree with. But there are others that I embrace too.

I guess I want my kids to have an identity that they can relate to. That they don’t feel lost. Hmm, lost might not be right word. Rootless?

“One of the challenges of being a third culture individual is developing a sense of belonging, commitment, and attachment to a culture. These factors play a strong role in one’s self-esteem and identity, and are especially apparent as present or not present among TCKs.” (Again, taken from wiki)

At the end of the day though, I guess there are two important things:

  1. Relating to our deen – as long as we have that, we shouldn’t feel lost.
  2. Knowing your family is there. Wherever they are, however they feel, I know that my kids will have two sets of families who love them.

Lotsa love,





Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s