Who am I?

So I met up with some friends the other day who are new mummies. It brought me back to the newborn days, which for Zayan’s newborn days are termed as ‘the dark cloud’ days. That’s how it felt like then!! It was so overwhelming and tiring and I felt that’s how my life will be from then on – feeding and changing and feeding and having someone stuck to me forever and ever.

That was four years ago. I laugh now because I’ve gone past it and think how ridunkolous was I. Kids grow up and now I’ll be lucky if he wants cuddle s (actually Zayan is still up for cuddles, for maybe 5 minutes).

When I spoke to my lifecoach and she asked me what my core values are (what do I believe in? what do I enjoy?), my mind went blank when I thought of what I enjoy doing. There was silence, a long awkward pause. I … I … I can’t remember me I stuttered. I like photography! And writing! And sports!!But I dont do those things anymore. I just work and am a mummy.

When I was pregnant with Zayan, I was adamant not to write too much about the pregnancy. I didnt want to be that mother. Although I’m that mother now, ha! I mean, I didnt want to be defined as just a mum. I want to be everything thats me (as well as being a mum) — except I’ve forgotten who me is.

I mean me now is different to a few years ago. Today’s checklist/mission to do consisted of:

Sorting old kids clothes
Printing pics for my scrapbook (80% of which have my kids faces)
Cleaning the bathroom
Teaching Zayan to read
Bake cake

I did think I should go to gym class/run but there were too many excuses that took over.

I did manage to read, although it resulted in this:


Ayman climbing on top of me as I (try to) read.

Then when I put him on the floor, he managed to open the jar of eczema cream. Dont ask why cream is in nutella jar.

Anyway, I dont know what my point is. My points are:

(1) I need to accept that the me now have different priorities.

(2) At the same time, like what my lifecoach said, I have to do things that I love so I can be more of me and happier with myself.

*Googles Lonely Planet Places to Travel in 2016*

Lotsa love,

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