I thought that I would write about big happy, ‘change in my life’ moments. Like the day I got married or when I gave birth or the day I graduated.
The thing is those occasions carry a bag of emotions – nerves, some anxiety (of my skirt falling off in a freak accident or tripping over and having people videoing it), stress of other people projecting to me and mostly I’m just being on autopilot. Go up the stage, smile to the cameras. I don’t think I had a ‘moment’ on either wedding or delivery. I remember having a sense of pride just before walking up the stage during graduation – like all those sweat and tears all those years were paying off then, and the world is my oyster (and I can now have money coming into my bank account). Even after giving birth, my smiles felt like it was put on, I had to smile or else people would think I’m mad. To be honest, I was just freaking tired and hungry. And wee bit anxious on meeting my child.
Anyway, I’ll talk about a recent memory that felt just like unadulterated joy. We went to Wicksteed park the other day, forty minutes away from home. It had amusement park rides – not that many but enough to excite a child and sakai mother. It had boats, nature trails, huge area of grass for picnic. It was a sunny day and the skies were blue. Zayan was in a good mood and (not yet) whingey. I went on one of the kiddie rollercoaster rides with Zayan. It wasn’t that high but it had enough speed and twists to make it exhilirating. As we sped down the track of the roller coaster in high speed, adrenaline was pumping and both of us started laughing. Ok, I was laughing and Zayan was screaming. He had such a huge smile on his face, grinning away, in his element. Ah, my boy the thrill seeker. I can still remember the huge grin he has, laughing away.
That’s the thing with kids – their excitement over something is boundless. It knows no limits and they don’t hide it, pretending they’re cool. It is so much more fun that way, so free.