*Written a week ago*
I know it’s been awhile since I last wrote but we know that it was pretty inevitable ever since I started work.
I don’t know where to start, so I’m just gonna ramble ok and you can maze through my thoughts with me.
Today is day 10 of 12 working, 5 of which are oncall shifts (9 am to 9 pm). I should be on 9-5 today but they were short of regs, and basically got asked to do a random night shift instead. I kinda suggested it to them and as the words came out of my mouth, I was regretting it. Am I ready for a night shift? Am I ready for 12 hours of being the most senior paediatric dr in the hospital? My oncalls have been ok so far, but there’s always time for more catastrophe.
And then I thought – oh no, a night without Ayman. I don’t know how he’ll do … he’s generally ok at night now. He wakes up 1-2 times at night and after feed, just goes back to sleep. Sigh I think I’ll just miss him more than he misses me.
As for work, I feel like I’m on this steep learning curve, learning everyday on how to manage and lead. To stick to common sense. To take a deep breath as you get berated by yet another angry parent (for making them wait).