A manual on parenting

Last night Zayan kept doing things despite us telling him not to do it – jumping on sofa, throwing pillows around, playing around with his food, making a mess, throwing toy at his Ayah (when his Ayah asked for it). By the end of it, I was tired of it and despite multiple ‘time outs’ and ‘I’m sorry’, he kept misbehaving. What made me even angrier is that he would be laughing when we’re clearly being angry at him. Seriously, when I was a kid, we were too scared of our parents to misbehave like this. Kan mau penampar atau kana cubit ada kali masa damit. (Actually my dad has never laid a hand on me but the mere thought of him being angry would make me scared)

Anyway, I had enough after awhile and just took him upstairs, mandi, changed to PJs and sleeptime without any milk. I felt bad pulang because he didnt eat much dinner, but I figured he’ll wake up if and when he’s hungry and had milk at hand for him if that happens (it did).

Sigh.

I asked M – “Do you think we’re doing the right things (as parents)?”
“I dont know. Sometimes I think we are, sometimes we’re not…”

Sigh.

If only there was a manual on parenting. Sometimes I imagine what our beloved Prophet Muhammad S.A.W. would do. Like I think of his characters and think what he would do in these situations. (Be patient is the epitome of it all) I try to remember the stories of Prophet Muhammad S.A.W with children. Like how when a kid peed on him and he just asked someone to get some water. And like how he carried his granddaughter during salah. When he bowed, he would put her down. And when he stood up, he would pick her up again.

Anyway, I’ve researched (googled) on more hadiths and came across these:

1. Narrated by Anas ibn Malik:

The Prophet said, “(It happens that) I start the prayer intending to prolong it, but on hearing the cries of a child, I shorten the prayer because I know that the cries of the child will incite its mother’s passions.” (Al-Bukhari)

2. Allah’s Messenger kissed Al-Hasan ibn `Ali while Al-Aqra` ibn Habis At-Tamim was sitting with him . Al-Aqra` said, “I have ten children and have never kissed one of them.” The Prophet cast a look at him and said, “Whoever is not merciful to others will not be treated mercifully.” (Al-Bukhari)

3. Reported by Abdullah ibn Shaddad from his father:

“The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) came out to lead us in either maghrib or ‘isha’ one night, and he was carrying Hassan or Husain. The Messenger of Allah came forward and put (the child) down, then he said takbir and started to pray. During the prayer, he prostrated and made his prostration long.

My father said: “I raised my head and I saw the child on the back of the Messenger of Allah whilst he was prostrating, so I returned to my prostration.”

When the Messenger of Allah finished praying, the people said:

“O Messenger of Allah, during your prayer you prostrated for so long that we thought something had happened or that you were receiving Revelation.”

He said:

Nothing at all happened, but my son was riding on my back and I did not want to disturb him until he had had enough. (An-Nisa’i)

I have to remind myself of this whenever Zayan does this to me.

4. Narrated by Abu Hurairah:

“Dates used to be brought to Allah’s Messenger immediately after being plucked. Different persons would bring their dates till a big heap collected (in front of the Prophet). Once Al-Hassan and Al-Husain were playing with these dates, one of them took a date and put it in his mouth. Allah’s Messenger looked at him and took it out from his mouth and said: “Don’t you know that Muhammad’s offspring do not eat what is given in charity?” (Al-Bukhari)

This explains how we should just take the offending item (things we ask not to touch or eat) and give brief explanation of why not to do it.

5. Anas said:

“Allah’s messenger was one of the best of men in character. One day, he sent me to do something, and I said: “I swear by Allah that I will not go”. But in my heart I felt that I should go to do what the Prophet of Allah had commanded me. So I went out and came upon some boys who were playing in the street. All of a sudden Allah’s Messenger, who had come up behind, caught me by the back of the neck, and when I looked at him, he was laughing. He said: “Go where I ordered you, little Anas”. I replied: “Yes, I am going, messenger of Allah!” (Abu Dawud)

Of course, I’m only human and get impatient and raise my voice. But I hope I can harness any anger or annoyance yang inda berpatutan, so I do not get too emotional when angry/annoyed. InsyaAllah. I pray that I would be as gentle and merciful and try to follow the footsteps of our Rasul, Ameen.

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