The last hurdle

I uploaded the photo below but then couldnt even start on this post 5 hours ago. The reason was because Ayman wouldnt let me put him down and would wake up every time I did. Please dont tell me I have another Zayan!

I did eventually find a solution – white noise! Apparently, babies sleep better with background of white noise. It’s like mimicking the sounds they hear in the womb, the swirling of amniotic fluid, the beating of mummy’s heart beat. Actually, I dont know what they can hear in the womb but I do know that they CAN hear and it’s loud in the womb (theres a study that measured the decibels they hear in the womb and it was quite loud. I would explain how they did the study but after readinga few lines of the methodology, I got lost. So I just read the conclusion bit of the study).

Soooo now I got an app with white noises of any category – from vacuum cleaner to cat purring to raindrops on car roof (Dont you find the tropical rain on metallic roof comforting?? My Indian colleague and I lamented on this and find that we sleep best when this happens. Sound of home definitely…)

Right the point of this post….



In case you dont know what I’m talking about, I passed the final exam to getting membership for Royal college of Paediatrics and Child Health. It means (1) I can work as a registrar (akin to Bruneian level of SMO) and not feel like a fake one – I worked as a registrar before going on mat leave and felt like a phony one who hasnt passed her exams and (2) I’m not going to be kicked out of my training programme! You see, by the fourth year of training, we’re supposed to complete and pass all exams. I was supposed to pass it in August this year. After 2 attempts to the clinical exam, I still didnt pass. They’ve given me an extra year to pass – if not, I’ll be kicked out of the paediatric training programme. Yes it was a very delightful conversation between the training director and myself, one held after I failed it last time. So YESSSSS it’s amazing to pass but it was more of a relief to be honest. I dont know how i would pass it juggling a new baby and a 3 year old.

When I decided to do the exam in October, which meant I would be 35/36 weeks preggers, there were mixed opinions from colleagues and friends. Some gave me the ‘YOU CAN DO IT!!!’ attitude – these are usually handed out by colleagues/friends who do not have children yet. Those who are mothers already would say ‘Ok…. all the best!’ whilst giving me a tight lipped smile and going ‘You’re crazy but I’m gonna back you up anyway.’ And then there were ‘Dont do it, just dont do it’. And the last one – they’re right in a way. I am almost term, it would be physically demanding, not to mention a stressful thing to go through.

I was determined though not to let the stress get me. I took it easy, not really burning midnight oil, studying in a steady pace but not stressing myself too much. I maintained an upbeat take to it all. Partly because I dont want the stress to get to my baby and partly because I felt ‘F@&k it! Even if I fail, I’m gonna have an amazing thing anyway – a baby!’

The results would be out around the same week as baby’s due date. SoI figured I’ll have something to feel blessed about even if I fail.

And you know what, after a year of sitting for this bloody exam (Did it in Feb, July and October) and being pregnant for most parts of 2014, I am happy to say I have achieved 2 things this year: my baby and MRCPCH.

Now for the real test… being a reg in the wards in the middle of the night. Good thing I have a few months to recuperate before that hey.

Pic above taken at Legoland on 18th October. I did the exam in London the day before and we decided to spend the weekend in London after. There was a lot of walking at Legoland! Which makes it no wonder that My waters broke 2 days after.

I really really felt like I was gonna pop that week. I was so scared of giving birth before/during the exam, imagine how annoying that would be. I even packed extra trousers/pants/pad and brought it to the exam, just incase my waters would break then. I really felt like if it did break, I would ask to be excused and change into new trousers before continuing! Hahahahaha.

When I finished the exam, I actually felt the achievement laid in the fact that I havent given birth yet!

I think by the third attempt, there were two things that essentially improved my performance: (1) I felt much more confident and (2) my presentation was much much better. Think I’ll talk about this in my
next post.

Lotsa love,

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