Today I hit an all time low on motherhood – or at least since the newborn days (which I like to refer as the emotional rollercoaster days).
I was trying to put him down for a nap. He was getting cranky and yawning apa but REFUSED to go to sleep. Menangis sekuat hati, then when finally settled down, he started messing around. I was getting more and more frustrated sampai menangis.
Looking back, I should have just left it but I wanted to start revising for my exam (only 6 weeks to go…aghhh) and wanted to get some peace for revision, and not a cranky, sleep-deprived lil one. (Zayan needs to have his nap – if too late, we’ll miss the boat completely and nda tia mau tidur and get VERY VERY VERY cranky. A situation I very much wanted to
Anyway, so there I was getting frustrated at his refusal to sleep but also at my lack of patience. Why cant I just deal with him more patiently? Layan his crankiness. Be a supermum!
A supermum would be like – kenapa inda mau tidur? *said in a gentle, loving tone of voice* Ok lets find out why you’re cranky/crying in the last 30 minutes – even though you’ve pretty much said no to everything. We can go through the list again! Drink? Yoghurt? Something amazing on youtube? Elmo in real life? No? Let’s find some fun games to distract you!
But no, I was too tired from last night’s shift – came back home at almost 1.30 am. And I need to start studying.
Anyway, then I read my friend’s blog on how being a supermum is really something that is not real. Because let’s face it, no mum can ever be perfect. Mamas out there have their greatnesses and weaknesses. (ok not all mamas – there are some who have really really questionable parenting.)
So I forget to put on his eczema cream sometimes. And also forget to change nappy to the point it is almost to his knees. Sometimes I get annoyed and my patience snap. Sometimes I show youtube videos for distraction and some peace and quiet. And I tell myself all the time that I need to spend more time with you and play more with you, but always feels myself short in this. Heck, I’m not even a yummy mummy! (The mummy living upstairs always always looks impeccably dressed and is gentle and patient)
But I do try. I get him to be involved in cooking – he is now perfecting the skill of cracking eggs (too aggressive still). We read a book every night now when I’m there before sleep. My hugs and kisses are of indefinite amount – so needy I’m sure asking for hugs and kisses all the time. I try not to give mismatched socks anymore. And I eat healthier food and more vegs so my son will follow suit. And at least I dont smoke and swear in front of the kids – I mean ever.
Anyway, the point is supermums dont exist. There’s just mummies who try to be and do the best they can.