It’s very long, I know, since my last post. Can’t believe the last time I wrote a post was 24th last month.
And can you believe it – it’s December already!!!!
How can almost 12 months past us by? past ME by! I realise yesterday that I havent achieved the two things I wanted to do this year: study arabic and khatam quran (as in read the whole book with translation and study of translation). The latter is a big thing I realise but I’m only at Surah Nisa!!!! And that stayed stagnant for the last one month at least 😦
Ok, I cant remember what I’ve been busy with but lets just say its one thing after another!
1. There’s the moving bit.
2. There’s the working bit.
3. Then I was organising a charity pre-loved items sale at Leicester Uni.
4. Oh and then I was still trying to sort our house – like buying sofa and table and little things that needs to be done in the house. Ok I lie, I pretty much left the cleaning and keeping house tidy and in shape to M. He’s so much better at it than me, hehe.
5. Also Zayan has become clingier. Like, soooo clingy, cant even go to the toilet or leave the room without him running after me in tears. Maybe he’s reacting to us working all the time?
6. Also I’ve joined the Junior Doctors Forum comittee, which looks into improving working lives and training of junior doctors. THAT has taken up a lot of my time. I’m ready to just hang the towel in for next month or two, whilst I…..
7. Study for my exam!!!!! GAAAAAHHHHHH. 12 weeks to go. It sounds a lot but really it isnt!!!!!!!! If I pass this, then I can become registrar (aka SMO) next August and will be my most important and last exam eveerrrrrrr. (There’s the exit exam before consultancy but apparently, thats not too bad)
Anyway, I’m just rambling. I can’t think straight. I’m tired. I have to wake up early and send Zayan to childminder now (usually it’s M punya job) before 8.30 am. M is now working in Northampton and doing the hourly commute I used to do.
I need a break.
Like, just give me 2 weeks of solid break.
PS. I broke down the other day and cried because I was homesick and wished I have group of ‘mamas’ around me – letting me know that the hard times will pass me by and that it’s normal for Zayan to be xyz and for me to be imperfect aka irrationally angry or stressy at times (a lot of times).
I wished for my mum and sister in laws to be in my life, so I can learn motherhood from them and for them to reassure me and help me when I’m not sure. I wished for my friends to be around because it’s just so nice to have another person to talk to, for even the menial things THAT IS NOT WORK. (I think this homesickness was triggered by my visiting my neighbour aka M’s friend’s wife who has a baby son and we talked for ages – just chatting how girls do).
When I cried, I was changing zayan and he noticed the tears. He stroked my face, touched my tears, put my hair to the side (I had it in front of me to hide my tears) and spoke his usual gibberishness – kinda like ‘why the tears, mama?’ I asked for a hug and he gave me one. *heartmelts*
Nothing but a child’s hug (my child’s hug) to lift my spirits up.