Feeling a bit low today. Basically, for those not in the know, I haven’t got my passport yet as it’s under renewal. There’s a problem with the visa application, so I have to wait for it to be finally approved. It’s been 1 year and 2 months since I’ve been back to Brunei, the longest time I’ve been away (usually I go back once or twice a year). I think the fact that it’s Ramadan now just makes it harder. I wanna have terawih at masjid, buka puasa ramai2 and struggle to stay awake for sahur as my family tries to wake me up. I just miss that feeling of ‘beramai2’. *lump in throat*
*dont cry dont cry dont cry*
And I dont even know if I will be back for Raya, though I’ve been yearning for it since last year. Heck, I don’t even know if I can get it off. If the moon is sighted, it’ll be second day of new job and have to go to mandatory induction/training. If it’s not, my day is ‘off’ but will be on night shifts that night. SIGH.
I was hoping I can go back in second or third week of raya kah, in time for my dear friend Fets kahwin. But from what it seems like, may not have passport in time.
I came across this a few days ago:
قَالَ إِنَّمَا أَشْكُو بَثِّي وَحُزْنِي إِلَى اللّهِ وَأَعْلَمُ مِنَ اللّهِ مَا لاَ تَعْلَمُونَ
He said: “I only complain of my grief and sorrow to Allah, and I know from Allah that which you know not.” [Surah Yusuf V.86]
You know I’ve always thought, must not complain to Allah. Or else it will seem ungrateful. And yet I complain to M and whoever else will listen of my troubles. This time, I realise only He will understand and only He can help me really, so Allah should be the One for me to turn to.
“O Allah! All praise is due to You, and complaint is made only to You, and You are the only One from whom we seek help and in whom we put our trust, and there is no power except by Your help” – Nabi Musa’s prayer
Sorry, depressing post.
I’ll pick myself up soon.
PS I met up with BFF Fau in London yesterday, who’s visiting the country for the last week. I think that’s whats made me feel like this. I miss home and she is part of home.