Can we have it all?

Am I a feminist?

For some reason, I hate the label of ‘feminist’. I prefer to think that I believe in equality of men and women in certain aspects (like being paid the same amount for the same job and level of experience) but I also believe that both genders have certain roles and responsibilities in society and that one is more likely to be better in certain things than the other gender.

I am also all for women achieving their dreams and doing what they are passionate about. If they want to work, work. If they want to stay home, go ahead.

Nowadays almost all women (in Bru anyway) that has finished education is working, someway or another, in a company or self employed. They are in general financially independent. Which is great. Cos we never know what the future holds. For me, a woman cannot hold on to the belief that a man will take care of her – what if he dies? what if he becomes disabled and cant go to work? what if… what if…. So the best thing is to be self-sufficient and resourceful and be financially-literate.

So it looks like we have all that. In a relationship. Having your own car. Have extra money to buy nice bags. Maybe even married and having children. And all this while, juggling work and personal life. Ho-yeah, superwoman.

The best thing is that ‘the new man’ generation is with us. And a lot of times, our men help with nappy changing, bath, feeding (if not breastfeeding of course doh), entertaining and all round helper (“ambilkan barang di bawah please…. angkatkan barang dari kerita…. buy groceries cos I’m too lazy to go out…”).

However, as the ward clerk Wendy once said, “New man whatever, the children will always be the mother’s problem….”. I smile, because it’s so true.

Now M is brilliant with doing housechores (he cooks and does laundry more often than me) and helps out with Zayan however he can. But when Zayan kusut, cranky due to lack of sleep, or he has come down with fever, or he just doesn’t feel right for whatever reason, who does he want the most? Who can take away the tears easily? Who can succumb him to sleep with much less effort? Not the new man, I tell ya.

So, we’re having all these things that we want and we have. Career. Marriage. Children. But these things need to be juggled constantly and a lot of times, I do question whether I can have it all. Because even if M wants to take care of Zayan after I’m post nights or the childminder can take care of him on my day off, I feel guilty and that guilt will make me enjoy things less and also I miss my baby too.

Anyway, I have digressed a wee bit. My point is: a woman can do whatever she wants,yes. But she must remember that there will come a point when sacrifices have to be made and ‘having it all’ is not really having it all.

I have always dreamt of working and volunteering in a foreign country, as medical volunteer. And even now I have a child, I still dream about it. At the moment, I can’t see myself leaving him for even a night (night shifts doesnt count cos i’m back the next day and he’s asleep anyway, so he doesnt know!) but insyaAllah that time will come, even for just two weeks or so.

Love , me


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2 responses to “Can we have it all?

  1. fad

    i came a cross an article about “why women can’t have it all”. i havent finished reading it yet cos its a six page article. too long for my postpartum brain to digest all of it in one sitting, but ive bookmarked it so i can get back to it. thought it might be of interest to you x

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