A friend once asked how I manage to do my job seeing all the sick kids and babies. And I replied something along the lines of when you’re in the emergency mode and franticness of it all, you just get on with it and focus on the job at hand. And then afterwards, when the adrenaline wears off and you go home and put up your feet, you do have moments of sadness but mostly you just get on with it, or eat dinner and curl up in bed thereafter, ready for another shift next day.
But I realise what gets to me, and twangs my heart’s strings, are actually the chronic patients. Those that stays in hospital for weeks and yes, even months, because of their condition and because of repeatedly being unwell, and they stay in hospital without their parentals. To protect my patients’ and their families confidentiality, I cant go into further detail but lets just say, with their home/social/medical circumstances, the hospital has become their second home and the doctors and nurses the people they see everyday day in,day out. And some of them are infants. So I imagine Zayan being in their shoes and my heart just breaks when I see them in their room, watching TV or staring at the ceiling or sitting/lying on their cot by themselves. Some have developmental delay, so can’t speak just yet but I KNOW they can understand. And oh how I wish I can be that solid figure that’s always there for them.
I try to pop in their rooms when I have time. Or after work, I stop by for a minute to wave or play with them. And when I play with Zayan, I think of my lil kiddies in hosp and feel sad for them. Cos I wish and pray that they can have cuddles and kisses everyday too. Actually the nurses and play specialists, who obviously spends more time with them – giving bath,changing and feeding them,etc, are pretty good. They play with them and give cuddles and sometimes bring them to the nurses station for some socialising time.
The thing is some of them have physical disabilities and one or two have developmental delay because of their conditions, but I believe that when they die (as we all will one day), they will be put straight to Jannah and be transformed, no longer having disability, able to speak and smile and laugh. And what sparks me to do better and to strive better as a Muslim, is so that one day we will meet again and I can see them with the most beautiful of faces and they can speak to me with a wide grin on their face.
Ya Allah, tempatkanlah ku nanti di syurga Firdaus dengan orang2 yang beriman dan orang2 yang sudah ditetapkan syurga, Amin.
I hope that Zayan will learn this, that he can be grateful for what he has. And know that there’s always someone out there who has it worse off than him.
PS. Actually I was bit of bimbo the other day when I talked to M about this:
ME: You know the kids with disabilities….according to Quran, they’ll go straight to heaven right.
Dear husband: Yah..
Me: ….and they wont have their disabilities anymore right.
Dear husband: MM yah.
Me: Ok…just making sure.
Dear husband: Cos that’s a bit pointless isn’t it. Being in heaven but still in crutches or whatever.