Mama’s guilt

I know I know it may seem like I’ve abandoned this blog but I’ve been preoccupied really.

Work has been keeping me busy. Have just finished night shifts today. Nights itself is not that bad but my whole sleep pattern and body clock has gone mental.

The worst is leaving Zayan. This is a lil different from leaving him during normal working hours in that he is so used to sleeping with me *uhuk uhuk and beeastfeed uhuk uhuk* #beulit #babiesfavethang. But anyway work beckons and I must leave my child.

He has been waking up frequently, kesian M and his sister melayan and putting him back to sleep! And poor zayan too…I may just be imagining this but I think he’s got eyebags!!

And in the day I sleep for a few hours,so really since wednesday I havent seen much of lil zayan! Think I’m not his fave person anymore, he didnt crawl to me when he was crying tadi huuuuu.

I think the one thing that comes with motherhood for me is the guilt. Constantly guilty of not spending enough time, feeling guilty of abandoning my baby when I do my own thing, guilty even for sleeping lots in between night shifts.

I want Zayan to grow up feeling loved and cared for and know that his mama loves him despite being away/MIA for brief period of time. And that he understands and hopefully feel inspired knowing his parents are doing something they love (though they moan about it a lot). And motivated too to do something good with his life.

I like to think that many working moms feel the same way. Wishing for more hours in the day to play with their child, hoping that their baby will always always go to their mama at the end of the day.

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Hanging on and looking up at me, just how I like it.

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My lil Japanese baby

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Evidence of Creme fraiche & strawberry for dessert.

I love you baby boy, comot/bejurit and all.

Love your mama

Ps Ramadan halfway over – time to crank up our ibadah. Reminder for me first and foremost!

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