When I first started working, the stress of the job and the workload got to me. My seniors have told me time and time again of how it would be, but it never sunk in me how it would be. I heard what they were saying but I didn’t really listen, or perhaps I could never understand – not until you go through it.
And that’s how parenthood is for me currently. Everyone’s saying how sleep deprived I would be, to embrace the sleeps before baby born, etc. And I knew it would be hard, I heard their words. But only now could I understand fully.
The first night my baby boy entered this world, I had 3 hours of sleep – and this was only because I called the midwife after hours of him crying and me not stopping tending to him, and she offered to take baby away so I could rest. After more than 24 hours of no sleep (I know, I know I will tell the tale one day), I nodded in relief as she wheeled him away. The next night, I had maybe 2 hours of sleep only. This time, I didnt want to be ‘the mum who kept handing the baby to the midwives’. At the end of my tethers, that was how I felt that night.
The third night, he slept for 3 hours straight but only in my arms (manja!). Once I put him down or even laid down with him on top of me, he cried. But knowing how he was, this was an achievement I felt.
Last night was much, much better. He slept longer in between feeds/changing/burping. Perhaps I managed to sleep for 4 hours altogether. Hurrah hurrah!
So perhaps, people are right…that things will get better. In the meantime, to hold on to the comfort that one day ‘this too shall pass’ and when he goes all bratty in his terrible two or starting to be annoying ‘I know, Mama!’, I wish he was this tiny tot sleeping, warmly snuggled on my chest once again, his soft skin on mine, as if his calm breathing is a result of being close to his Mama.
I love you baby boy.