Today is the day, my last day of work. Not working for (at least) 7 months – 1 month of annual leave and 6 months of maternity leave.
It feels bizarre really. Part of me feel scared, scared that when I come back, I’ll miss out a LOT on my training whilst my peers would be more experience than me. The workaholic/worrier in me has this nagging feeling that I’ve missed something or I haven’t done something for a patient. (Ya Allah, terangkanlah and tenteramkanlah hati ku)
Went to work TOTALLY unmotivated and that feeling of ‘cant be bothered’ – that feeling of last day at school kinda!
It just hasnt sink in that I’m not going to work for a loooong while now. No waking up at 6.30 am (I lie, I wake up between 6.45-7 am, finally get up from bed at 7 am), no rushing off to work with toast in one hand and cuppa of juice/milk/hot drink in the other, gulping it down in the car, getting stuck in M1 and surviving the 1 hour drive to and from work. yes, I repeat, TO and FROM work.
No 12 hour oncalls, where I slave away, rushing around on my feet. No stresses of trying to please everyone. Oh it feels like a faraway distant memory already (last time oncall 9 days ago HAHA!).
And perhaps I wont neglect my husband and house so much. Able to cook more than my husband. Not zonked out on the sofa/bed after work. Not having that constant guilt that the washing/laundry/cooking is done by M yet again. Even though M says he doesnt mind and that he knows I’m tired from the work & commuting, still feel guilty :s
(It doesnt help I think that my pengangun said before we tied the knot, that the key to a successful marriage is to lay out my husband’s meals on the table everyday. Old fashioned I know, and definitely is not possible for us as I’m almost always oncall – or so it seems anyway)
The ultimate qs reallly is: what am I gonna do for now?
Well, I feel like I’m actually feeling not too bad in myself. Still feeling able to work and active (this nurse just realised I’m pregnant and my reg said its cos I dont sit still long and so people dont notice how I look like). I was doubting about stopping work now as didnt want to ‘waste’ my mat leave. But M convinced me that I should have this time out – firstly cos I’m sleeping ALL the time (reflecting my constant tiredness) and secondly, it’d be nice to have some time out before I’m ACTUALLY chronically sleep deprived – ie before baby comes.
So I have accepted this not going to work ‘early’ (I wanted to start mat leave at 36 weeks, instead of 34 weeks). And my plan is….
TO JUMP ON A PLANE AND FLY OFF SOMEHWERE YAAAAY!
Ok, not possible 😦 More realistic plans, insyaAllah:
1. Clear guest room for bapa mama & baby stuff
2. Clear our room for cot
3. Bake, bake, bake!
4. Go back to receiving calls on DVIRP
5. Cook for M
6. Sew again – have left it last few months, think I’ve forgotten a lot of the skills now! Maybe can do quilt/blanket for baby? Mama knitted this blanket for me when I was baby – unfortunately this blanket has gone awol NOW.
8. Wake up late
9. To actually have no plans
10. Read qur’an – as have neglected this a lot 😦
Ok, gotta check out the chicken on the grill. Meanwhile, check out pressies from Paeds team in Northants *big big grin* The team were great tho and I’ll miss them!