I will not sell my soul

Currently reading ‘Wild Swan: Three daughters of China” by Jung Chang. It tells about women of three generation in same family in China during pre-Communist and Communist days. I’ve read it before and remember it being depressing but it was selling for 1 pound at Waterstones. For a previously sold 10 pounds book of 650 pages, I thought it was a bargain and bought it anyway.

And I’ve been hooked on it ever since. Reading it during my breaks on night shifts and now post nights, ngalih and kalat mata, mau jua baca! Also should be studying for exam, so I’m considering it my ‘break prize’ (you know, after revising so much, you need a prize to motivate you to go on studying. My other ‘break prize’ is the banofee pie sitting nicely cold in the fridge….. nyumnomnom).

For those who haven’t read it, I recommend it to biography-slash-history lovers. I’ve learnt more about the Communist and Mao (legendary banar jua Mao ani. Macam Gaddafi ada jua in terms of his brutality and lack of humanitarian-ness. except he’s a Communist Gaddafi.) The more I read it, the more ridiculous his policies are. And yet, people go along with it, out of fear and in a way, brainwashed I guess. It reminds me of the north koreans back in the days. And I guess how Nazis managed to do the things they did. You think, how can people not stand up to it? But I guess you have to be there in that time, to fully understand. Or maybe they didnt. Anyway, getting historical and philosophical now.

And since I’m damam, I don’t think I make sense. Just take it from me…. read it! It’s a good book!

What else?

1. I have an exam coming in exactly 6 days. Kapisan! I don’t know if I’m ready for it. I’m off for the next 5 days and thought I’ll study day and night for it now tapi damam tia!

2. Next week will be the start of my 12-day-working-in-a-row stint (excluding exam day). I’m not looking forward to this. AT ALL. I’ve asked to be relieved from my long day shift in the weekend tapi they haven’t found a solution (cover) for me yet. So…nampaknya I have to just chin up, grin and bear with it. With my 32 week bump and back pain that goes with it.

3. When I was told they havent found cover (and might not) for me, it was during my last night shift. And I became emo and hormonal and was on the phone with M about it (awu tangah2 malam, kesian ya). In mid convo, got called to review a baby and so, had to wipe my tears, wash my face and go to the ward. But my depression dissolved when I saw the baby. So cute, and he was crying and mum had to go to the bathroom, so I cuddled him to sleep whilst waiting for his mum to come back. Then I thought – of all the complaints and whinges I make – this is the best part of the job. Dealing with the babies. (not when they’re crying and I can’t get them to stop, though) Alhamdulillah, Allah always makes me feel better the way He knows how.

Ok, gotta go. Time to start studying….. or maybe the book is beckoning more.


Love, Fiz

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