Today is the best I’ve felt in nearly a week. I actually feel ALIVE today, my head is no more of heavy cotton wool and I’m actually able to do something else other than work and sleep.
But somehow today, in work in fact, I felt that pang of homesickness. I always have the feeling of wanting to be with my mum whenever I’m sick. Awu, manja I know. I long for that warm touch, the hand sweeping down my forehead or just having someone there whilst I sleep (I always fall asleep in TV room back home). It might be the fact that M is on long day and I’m on nights, so we haven’t crossed paths yesterday, making me feel even lonelier.
It’s been 10 years living here but the homesickness have never gone away. In fact, I think each time I come back here, menangis makin banyak ada pulang. I used to have moments where I’ll be enjoying life here one minute and then for some reason or other, I’ll really miss my family, miss home, miss Brunei. And I’ll be swimming in my own little pond of misery and self-pity. I miss having lunches out with my friends, I miss sleeping in the tv room, I miss mama’s cooking, I miss the sun, heck I even miss the rain! (There is never a greater pleasure than lying in bed with duvet and hearing the equatorial rain splatter on the roof and window)
And I keep wanting to cry too. I felt like crying watching the Junior Masterchef!! (oh its so cute, and they’re SO talented! How? Howwww is it possible??) — Oh I felt like crying cos they have these moments where they’ll shake each other’s hands or hug each other or root for each other. the healthy competitive spirit, the innocence! *crumples face, sniffles*
Anyway, so I called up my parents. Usually I’d rather not call until homesickness pangs go away cos I’m scared of .. I don’t know, even feeling worse. But I havent called the parentals since I’ve been back from Malta. In the end, I feel better now. It was just nice hearing their voices and got to talk with Big Bro 2 too. He also went through the whole talk of – Trust me, the next few years will pass you by and next thing you know, you’ll be back. And trust me, enjoy your time there before you come back. *emphasis on ‘enjoy the moment before you come back’* Remember how I told you ‘Trust me, save during A levels? ‘ (He did, he was right and I didnt listen).
It’s a bit of the grass is always greener on the other side. I’m missing being at home and my friends are missing things in the UK. The case of the grass is greener syndrome!
So after 10 years of going through these episodes, so whilst the feeling doesnt go away, I know better how to deal with it: less self pity and drowning in sorrow and more of distracting myself. And how did I do it? I went to Asda for some grocery shopping, and basically went all out! In the spirit of Jamie Oliver’s 30 minute meals (which had a lot of vegs and coriander and rosemary and parsley), I bought a lot of greens. And I’ve also decided that I’m going to make butter milk chicken for dinner tonight ANNDDDD bake tiramisu cupcake. I saw my friend’s fb the other day of her pic of tiramisu cupcake and I’m intrigued on how to make it!
Alright, so I need to get myself busy, busy, busy. Tears pat dry, roll up sleeves, and time to get going!
….. but lying down here in this sofa with my book and choc cake is good too 😉