Our sixth year

So today is our 6th year wedding anniversary. Two kids, midway through our training and still renting a house. 

I have come to the conclusion that the only reason celeb couples are (seemingly) happy in their social media pics is because they have minions to do the dirty work. Like yknow if I have someone to mandikan my kids every morning and prepare their breakfast and not shout ‘Lajuuuu, we’re LATE!’ for the umpteenth time every single day, of course I will be a much less grumpy wife/mummy and think my partner is the most awesomest person in the world.
But we work with what we’ve got. And I think we work because our tempers are short-lived. Just like a toddler’s. And though we’re only young in our marriage years, this is what I think works:

Let it out.

Say your peace – especially if you’re in the wrong.

And even if you’re not, let it go.

And never bring it up again.

Happy anniversary, Sayang. 



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How to get rich

Doncha just wish there’s a secret tip to getting rich. I’ve read my brothers finance books (bored during summer holidays back in the day) – including rich dad, poor dad —- worth reading —– and all of them tells me the same thing: SAVE. 

My heart sank with this. I mean, there’s no quick way to this? Let’s not talk about the pyramid scheme or infinity downline – It works for some (infinity downline)but i personally don’t trust it.

Anyway, where am I going with this?

We’ve opened up a bank account for Zayan today considering he’s been given kah-chings already by family and friends. I’m actually excited about it, especially when they said they can supply a bank book for him. My parents set up an account for me when I was a kid and I remember being sooo excited to the bank to put money in and see my money growing in the book. I couldn’t touch the money but yet I was still excited, knowing there’s money for me somewhere out there.

M and I discussed about how we can educate him about money. As a kid, I used to be given $$ to do extra chores … including mengurut and pulak uban! Haha! Like 10 cents per uban (grey hair). Excited jua to do it, walaupun 10 cents saja. I also had $$ for helping mama in her baking business before raya. I said to M – maybe we can pay him to wash the car or something like that (things beyond usual house chore duties). M

M thought that we should take this further. We should encourage him to expand this e.g. to see if our neighbours will pay him to wash their cars (To Lyn and Adam – M said ‘we’ll tell zayan, go to pakcik adam’s house and ask him if u can wash his car for $5. LOL) So we can encourage him to save and invest. 

There isn’t much opportunity for teens to work in Brunei, or am I too sheltered/ignorant? M did paper rounds as a teen and also worked in some shop during summer hols. I only started working during A levels, as an usher in the school theatre and then in uni – including being on some phone line service for the alumni and licking envelopes for the uni ($5 an hour yo, bukan inda mahal air liur ku). 

Perhaps we should encourage our youngsters the concept of earning, instead of expecting them to *ahem* volunteer for stuff (read: you have to do it cos we want u to do it). 

We talked about whether we’ll let Zayan have the money from his car wash business (hehe imagining sudah) and concluded that we’ll give him a bit to teach him how to handle money. See if he can save for a bigger prize, rather than spend it all in a day for something less worthy.

Anyway insyaAllah we can install good financial habits on Zayan from a young age. Amin. 

Love, me


Ps. I went for a run today and it was heavenly. It’s the first time I’m doing something out of the house where I’m not rushing to go home in case Zayan wakes up (i’ve went out to get something from supermarket before). More on that in a different post. 

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Holiday time

1 am – I should go to sleep cos we’re going to Brightoooonnnnn in 8 hours time. Also our live alarm clock aka Zayan goes off in 5 hours. I really dont know why I dont just sleep early. I’m sure I’ll be happier and feel more rested! But after putting him to sleep around 8.30-9 pm, we have dinner (in peace). And then there’s the washing up and tidying up and surfing the net and watching yet another reality tv show. So little time to pack in things to do whilst the little one is asleep. Now that he’s extra mobile and ahem experimenting his boundaries and capabilities, i have to be extra alert and stopping him do (dangerous) thigs every few minutes. Yknow, like climbing up the table. And JUMPING down from it. *tarik rambut*

Anyway anyway anyway, back to Brighton. After much difficulty from M’s part, we eventually secured annual leave for next week. We will be off TOGETHER for a week! Dont know about other professions but for medics, its pretty hard to sync your leave with your partner or friends. It often requires looking at the rota multiple times and swapping shifts/on calls with colleagues and sometimes begging for leave (“a family wedding is coming up”).
And being the more forward sighted and nagging wife (esp when it coles to leave), I had to keep reminding to sort the leave.

However because my passport is still with UKBA (sabar, sabar…), we had to make do with a holiday in the country. I was hoping we’d go to the US this year *emoji sad face*

It’s been SO long since a good holiday. We last went back to Brunei and visited Malaysia last May. And our last weekend getaway was ….. September last year? Entah it’s been so long I cant remember.

And yknow whats the best thing of travelling. The planning of it all! Looking up for accomodation, things to do, places to visit, things to eat.

Two of my friends from uni lives there and I cant wait to visit them!


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Afternoon tea date

These days, I find it hard to have quality time with M. Zayan is in super clingy stage, clingier than when we were in Brunei. Macam tauuu saja kan ada baby adek. (He does point out to my bump as ‘baby’ and demands
to see baby/bump
at random times – even in public!)

Anyway, so I asked M to have a few hrs of me and him time. His sister’s staying over with us, so buleh jaga Zayan.

We headed to this countryside hotel for afternoon tea. It was quite nice actually the place and good weather too. It’s basically a big estate house with acres and acres of greenery (best of all, no dogs!).

Obligatory photo with house behind us

At what was a maze once upon a time with sun clock at centre (and M insisting on correcting the clock)

20140831-224756.jpgI took a selfie and turned out there was someone sitting not too far behind me. oops haha, malu sekajap.

Anyway, it’s nice to have some ‘us’ time. We can actually talk in peace and not have urang ketiga kacau daun (he insists on sitting between us nowadays and cannot see us hold hands).

Love you sayang, it’s gonna be our fourth year anniversary soon! Can’t believe how time flew us by. I consider us still ‘young’ in our marriage and hope that we’ll make it to our dementia years together! *morbid medic joke*

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Olympics 2016

Am I the only one who suddenly becomes interested in random sports now that the Olympics are here? I’ve been watching volleyball (Italy vs Iran) and I’m quite into it. Like my mum when watching football, I’ve been making random noises esp when Iran has conceded a point. 

Why are you even supporting Iran? asks husband. 

Uhhhh, they’re my muslim brothers?

Plus they’re the underdogs. Always go for the underdogs.

Also, the olympics remind me how bad I am at identifying flags. So bad. I think I can only identify less than 7 flags in the world: Brunei (doh), UK (doh), Malaysia, Japan (cos theirs are easy innit), USA, Canada and erm maybe Indonesia (but there’s a lot of red and white flags so I reckon I can easily get confused).

The best sports to watch are athletics (Mo Farah!!!) and gymnastics. 

I also love how the faces of female athletes look intact aka macam inda ancur makeup nya atu. That is what I call skillzzzz. Jessica Ennis-Hill, hooooowwwww does your face still look glowy after all that jumping, throwing, running?? #girlcrush

Also, why have Jessica landed back in London when the olympics isnt over yet? (It was in the papers) I would have stayed till the end and enjoyed my free pass to sports events! (Uhhh surely when you win a medal, you get free pass? If anything, that should be guaranteed for Olympic winners!)

Ok need to focus on this women’s taekwando game now. 

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I have abandoned this blog for awhile. Instagram just feels so much easier to micro-blog on. Yet I dont want to stop this blog – I realise I’ve been blogging since 2001!! 15 years!!! 

Not sure who reads this but if you leave a comment, that would be nice. It’s always nice to hear from someone who reads the blog. I talk gibberish mostly, so thanks for dropping by! 

Anyway recently I’ve had an experience at work that made me feel like such a failure. I hate making mistakes and I hate doing things that displeases people. So now I feel like a total noob and destroying my confidence.

But yknow, I have to remember my own words. This is what I posted recently on instagram @bruwomendo:

The Impostor Girl

When I first started working, I felt like such a an impostor. I kept thinking “what am I doing here??” I felt like one day, someone would see right through me and tell me that I dont belong in this profession. Amy Cuddy’s tedx talk, who put it so eloquently, was so relatable. She told of her story after a bad traffic accident, where she had brain injury and her IQ dropped by two standard deviations. She worked hard in uni and finally graduated from Princeton. In her first year working at Harvard business school, she was so scared of giving her first talk that she told her advisor that she wanted to quit. Her advisor said “YOU ARE NOT! You’re going to do the talk and do the next one and the next one. You will fake it till you make it!” And she did just that. One day, a student came up to her in distress and almost in tears. “I’m not supposed to be here!” And then she (Amy) got it. She realised that she no longer felt that way, which showed how far she has come. But also that she KNOWS how this student feels.

When I was in uni, grappling with my work, surrounded by all these amazing, brilliant, clever people, I felt the same way — I’m not supposed to be here. I pretend to be this person holding a stethoscope and listening to people’s problems but I am not like that doctor or that doctor. I cannot imagine myself to be like my housemate, cool and confident, suavely answering questions – like Meredith in Grey’s Anatomy. But by Allah’s grace, I did it. I passed medical school. I went through my housemanship years. I passed my interviews and secured myself into paediatric specialty training programme. Even as a doctor, I was having these low moments, my confidence spiking and waning. I did all my paediatric exams. I failed and I passed and I failed and I passed. 

And as time passed and I grew on experience, I realise I no longer have those panic, distressed moments, feeling like I do not belong. That I ‘should not be here’. For those, who like me, has issues with self confidence, remember this:

You will do it.

You will do it today and you will do it tomorrow.

You will fake it.

But you will keep doing it until you become it.

So I have to keep remembering this.

I just have to do my best and work hard. That’s all I can do and all people expect from me. 


Sometimes I just hate the responsibility we carry. 

Lotsa love,


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It’s not just the supermoms

Social media is fun. You get to stalk people on their IG and facebook. Their pretty pictures, pretty outfits, pretty lives. Flatlays make everything so much more interesting and hide all the other clutter at the rest of the table. I guess it’s a form of escapism – for me lah. It’s as if looking at the pictures, just makes you feel better. Or not. Sometimes inda dinafikan ada perasaan hasad dengki atu. So with some IG, I prefer not to look at it because it just makes me unappreciate my life and I want THAT life. The grass is always greener on the other side, right?

Nah rambling pulang.

I was going to talk of being a supermom. Not that I’m perasan I am lah. I think I’m just doing what all mums are doing and banyak kelemahan ani jua (lose patience easily, snap at kids, nag too much). 

I think of how my husband and I do it. 

Our daily working day goes like this:

7 am – wake up time. 

Actually le husband is the one who is the alarm. Forcing, I mean, Waking all of us up. 

I usually put the kids for a shower. Quick 5 minutes one and then off to get changed. I’ll put Ayman’s clothes on whilst Zayan usually do it on his own as long as I put his clothes out (on non-school days, he may choose his own clothes). Meanwhile, M will shower, iron his clothes and get ready. 

Yes, M iron his baju every morning himself. I dont iron my clothes at all unless its so wrinkly – but I’ve opted for non-wrinkly, easy care clothes nowadays that I very rarely need to iron. Ditto with tudung. 

After all boys are ready, M will feed them breakfast. Then it will be my turn to get ready. By that time, it will be 7.45 am and Aita, our childminder, will arrive with her kid. 

8.15 am – leave house with kids clothed, fed and childminder ready to take over. There will be no cries usually because uhhh my kids dont cry when being left. Sometimes Zayan will give a sad bye and it will tug on my heart (for 5 seconds). But alas, work I must do.

5 pm – work officially finishes. 

5.30-6 pm – work really finishes. Leave for home!

M usually finishes earlier and will be home by 6 pm. Since I have 40 min (1 hr if bad traffic) commute, I’ll arrive around 6.40-7 pm. 

By that time, Ayman would be fed already by Aita or M. 

7-7.30 pm: Dinner – Zayan will join us for dinner.

8 pm: Put Ayman to sleep – I usually fall asleep. Or if I dont want to sleep (ie I have some work thing to do), M will do it. He also fall asleep quicker in 15-20 mins where it will take me 30-45 mins because he wants to hug la, kiss la, hug lagi, kiss lagi. Guling2. Nyanyi2. 

9 pm: Zayan will come into the room and I’ll put Zayan to sleep. He used to be tiring to put to sleep but he just rolls to one side and goes to sleep. Sometimes he’ll lie there awake and as long as I ignore him, he’ll fall asleep. In the day, he usually is so hyper and on the move. Bedtime is the time to have chats with him about our day. He’ll go “I hope I have a nice dream today! What your dream will be?” #fouryearoldthoughts

And I usually will fall asleep. Wake up at 10ish and crawl into our bed. Or I’ll just fall asleep till the next day starts again. 

M does the cooking usually and will cook a big batch for lunch and dinner every few days. Zayan will eat what we eat. M or myself will make pureed or mashed food for Ayman that will last him the week. 

I only cook if there is no more food and M is oncall. And atu pun usually it will be grilled or stir fried. M usually cooks curry-based meals or Spaghetti Bolognaise.


There are things that is ‘my’ job and ‘M’ job. So like taking rubbish out is M’s job. Putting the clothes away after laundry is usually my job. Aside from that, we do things on who is less busy. M will do laundry, put clothes out to dry, clean bathrooms if I dont do it first. He will say he does the cleaning but I do it too!! Tbh, he does the cleaning most of the time. He loves a clean house so I leave it to him to hoover and clean bathrooms if it makes him happy. Because he’s so meticulous on being tidy and clean, we have to tidy up each time after meals and playing. Come 9 pm, the play area will be tided up and no toys will be out of the place from their ‘area’. The kids are generally good at this. So if they want to watch ipad or move to a new game, they have to tidy up their old games (eg going from lego to cars). Haih, aku pun ngalih meliat tidying up each time (and nagging each time). Sometimes I’ll be the one going ‘Biar tia bah… let them play first and we’ll tidy up later’. But it makes the husband happy and it makes life easier at end of day to tidy up small mess instead of a large one. 

So really after much thinking, we do the ‘divide and conquer’. Take on child each and do whatever we’re supposed to do. Or divide the workload – he’ll cook and I’ll do the washing up.

So whilst I can strive to be a supermum, I need a superdad to help me out.

Love, me xx

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