You only miss it when you lost it


Longing for a holiday and get me out of this October winter! Why can’t I live in San Francisco and have these stunning views from my window?

I’ve come down with the flu the last few days. I am coughing and sniffling and having rigors in between hours of my shifts. When I bend down to listen to the chest, the snot actually trickles down and threatens to drop and so I can’t bend my head down much anymore in order to look professional in front of patients/parents. Yes I am feeling sorry for myself. I am wallowing in my snottiness and headache.

Due to swaps and covering for other regs last week, I have been working in the Children’s Assessment Unit a lot more than normal (5 CAU days btw, of which 4 were on call). And this week I am on twilight shifts (4 pm till midnight). As a result of the constant working and my (man-)flu, I have been  pretty much on survival mode: eat, work and sleep. And trying to appear living with my boys. I cannot keep up lah, all I want to do is sleep when off work but I do miss them and they miss me too!

When you’re on survival mode, other things don’t matter so much. Social media. Other work commitments. Hobbies and sports. No, no, you just focus on keeping moving. Keep moving and do the next task.

But today I have the morning off whilst childminder looks after Ayman and I can CHILL before my afternoon shift. I miss these times. The luxury of not doing anything. Like I don’t care that I have to fill in some monitoring exercise. I don’t care that I need to hand in a draft of guidelines in a week’s time. I don’t care that I haven’t updated @bruwomendo. I don’t care that I haven’t done any work based assessments recently. I don’t care that I haven’t even started on finding a new childminder because our current one is pregnant (sobs…I mean, I’m happy for her but….sobs….).

For a few hours, I just want to do NOTHING. And think NOTHING.

Except for that monitoring exercise. Ugh.

During my current illness (flu), I have also been reflecting. You know how when you lost something, you start missing it. Yeah man, I miss my healthy body. I miss my non-sore throat and a clear head that doesn’t feel like cotton wools are packed in it. I miss feeling so energised ready to take on the world (oh wait, I think I left that in my twenties). It’s true what they say. You have losses to appreciate the good things in life.

I’ve also been thinking… I need to write more in here. I miss writing here. I’m gonna make a vow – I will write here EVERY week. Ok so I always break my own vows but I will try to follow this through!!!!

Lotsa love,



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Say hello to Editor

So I don’t think I’ve written it here before. But I am the editor of East Midlands Paediatric School newsletter. When I say School, I mean the institutional embodiment that covers paediatric trainees in East Midlands. A ‘trainee’ in whatever specialty , once passed all exams and goes through each level of training, ends up having ‘CCT’ in their specialty and this gives then the full creditation of being a specialist. I am currently an ST 5, which means I am in my fifth year of training. I need to get to ST 8 before getting CCT. 

Anywaaaay, I am editor, for no reason except that I am more tech-y than others and there werent many of us to begin with. I am actually technologically challenged and le husband has more knowledge and skills in IT and designing. But hey, I just use his skills to work for me hrhrhr. I guess I do have a blog and used to design my blog layouts. I remember I used to design my blog to have a forum and all as well. 

In a way, I do enjoy being editor. I’ve always love writing and playing with words and being editor gives me the time that I dont normally give to writing. It also forces me to read more, to get inspiration to quotes and book reviews and journal articles. 

I love writing and I wish I can write more. And this gives me an avenue to write, even if only for mundane paediatric news! But hey dont a lot of editors write books as well? (haaa perasan) 

Lotsa love,


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Assembly time

I feel like I need to consolidate this memory somewhere. Posting it on IG or FB might sound like a trivial thing to some. But it’s a ‘moment’ for me and certainly for Zayan, so here goes…

We got called to come to Zayanino’s school assembly because he did well at creating a dinosaur out of a paper plate. Apparently he did it all by himself. 

So I was zooming my way from work – got myself an hour and a half early just so I can leave work early for this. But I left work at 2.25 pm and the thing was at 2.45 pm. I parked at our old flat areas, which is a good 15 mins walk. And then it normally takes 20 mins drive. I RAN (sprinted) to my car in a record-breaking 7 minutes. Put on the aircond so I can dry out my sweatiness and practically shrieked at all cars that was slow in front of me. I so didnt want to miss it and it would be a shame because I worked hard to get myself off early!!!!

Anyway, I arrived there at 2.47 pm (sprinted again from my parking area to the school hall). For once, I wished I was wearing trainers to work – sure would make me go faster!!

And I arrived in time for the reception lady to say ‘You can all come in now…’. And we, the parents, got a seat at the back whilst all the Reception kids were filing in into the hall. There are 3 classes and each class had 20 plus kids (no kidding, so big the class!!). 

Zayan’s class came in last and at first Zayan didnt see me. And then he did and he stopped in his tracks and did a face – like a ‘oookaaaaayyyy’ face (he actually gaped). And then he looked away and smiled, like its so not cool to show Mama that he’s happy.

He got called to sit in front of the audience, along with 5 others. Basically each class had 2 kids given acknowledgement for their hard work.

Now zayan is good with counting and numbers (though jumps from 12 to 14 and then 16). He’s not so good with letters and reading — I mean he’s doing good progress but as a Tiger Mama, I would say he’s just average in it. Actually he’s below average – I’ve always thought we’ll get cracking once in (proper) school as its been a struggle teaching letters to him. Seriously I am not very patient when teaching him letters/how to read! But turns out now that he’s in school, they just expect him to ‘blend the letters’ aka read! Wow, what pressure.

Anyway, this was about his dinosaur. He came up to the front and the teacher explained that he has got a certificate for good drawing and showed the dinoasaur he made, paint, cut outs and all. And with some prompts from her, he explained what his dinosaur is and why it has three horns and what he eats. 


Ohh Zayan! 

Well done – I hope I get to see you in assembly again! 

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Our sixth year

So today is our 6th year wedding anniversary. Two kids, midway through our training and still renting a house. 

I have come to the conclusion that the only reason celeb couples are (seemingly) happy in their social media pics is because they have minions to do the dirty work. Like yknow if I have someone to mandikan my kids every morning and prepare their breakfast and not shout ‘Lajuuuu, we’re LATE!’ for the umpteenth time every single day, of course I will be a much less grumpy wife/mummy and think my partner is the most awesomest person in the world.
But we work with what we’ve got. And I think we work because our tempers are short-lived. Just like a toddler’s. And though we’re only young in our marriage years, this is what I think works:

Let it out.

Say your peace – especially if you’re in the wrong.

And even if you’re not, let it go.

And never bring it up again.

Happy anniversary, Sayang. 



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How to get rich

Doncha just wish there’s a secret tip to getting rich. I’ve read my brothers finance books (bored during summer holidays back in the day) – including rich dad, poor dad —- worth reading —– and all of them tells me the same thing: SAVE. 

My heart sank with this. I mean, there’s no quick way to this? Let’s not talk about the pyramid scheme or infinity downline – It works for some (infinity downline)but i personally don’t trust it.

Anyway, where am I going with this?

We’ve opened up a bank account for Zayan today considering he’s been given kah-chings already by family and friends. I’m actually excited about it, especially when they said they can supply a bank book for him. My parents set up an account for me when I was a kid and I remember being sooo excited to the bank to put money in and see my money growing in the book. I couldn’t touch the money but yet I was still excited, knowing there’s money for me somewhere out there.

M and I discussed about how we can educate him about money. As a kid, I used to be given $$ to do extra chores … including mengurut and pulak uban! Haha! Like 10 cents per uban (grey hair). Excited jua to do it, walaupun 10 cents saja. I also had $$ for helping mama in her baking business before raya. I said to M – maybe we can pay him to wash the car or something like that (things beyond usual house chore duties). M

M thought that we should take this further. We should encourage him to expand this e.g. to see if our neighbours will pay him to wash their cars (To Lyn and Adam – M said ‘we’ll tell zayan, go to pakcik adam’s house and ask him if u can wash his car for $5. LOL) So we can encourage him to save and invest. 

There isn’t much opportunity for teens to work in Brunei, or am I too sheltered/ignorant? M did paper rounds as a teen and also worked in some shop during summer hols. I only started working during A levels, as an usher in the school theatre and then in uni – including being on some phone line service for the alumni and licking envelopes for the uni ($5 an hour yo, bukan inda mahal air liur ku). 

Perhaps we should encourage our youngsters the concept of earning, instead of expecting them to *ahem* volunteer for stuff (read: you have to do it cos we want u to do it). 

We talked about whether we’ll let Zayan have the money from his car wash business (hehe imagining sudah) and concluded that we’ll give him a bit to teach him how to handle money. See if he can save for a bigger prize, rather than spend it all in a day for something less worthy.

Anyway insyaAllah we can install good financial habits on Zayan from a young age. Amin. 

Love, me


Ps. I went for a run today and it was heavenly. It’s the first time I’m doing something out of the house where I’m not rushing to go home in case Zayan wakes up (i’ve went out to get something from supermarket before). More on that in a different post. 

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Holiday time

1 am – I should go to sleep cos we’re going to Brightoooonnnnn in 8 hours time. Also our live alarm clock aka Zayan goes off in 5 hours. I really dont know why I dont just sleep early. I’m sure I’ll be happier and feel more rested! But after putting him to sleep around 8.30-9 pm, we have dinner (in peace). And then there’s the washing up and tidying up and surfing the net and watching yet another reality tv show. So little time to pack in things to do whilst the little one is asleep. Now that he’s extra mobile and ahem experimenting his boundaries and capabilities, i have to be extra alert and stopping him do (dangerous) thigs every few minutes. Yknow, like climbing up the table. And JUMPING down from it. *tarik rambut*

Anyway anyway anyway, back to Brighton. After much difficulty from M’s part, we eventually secured annual leave for next week. We will be off TOGETHER for a week! Dont know about other professions but for medics, its pretty hard to sync your leave with your partner or friends. It often requires looking at the rota multiple times and swapping shifts/on calls with colleagues and sometimes begging for leave (“a family wedding is coming up”).
And being the more forward sighted and nagging wife (esp when it coles to leave), I had to keep reminding to sort the leave.

However because my passport is still with UKBA (sabar, sabar…), we had to make do with a holiday in the country. I was hoping we’d go to the US this year *emoji sad face*

It’s been SO long since a good holiday. We last went back to Brunei and visited Malaysia last May. And our last weekend getaway was ….. September last year? Entah it’s been so long I cant remember.

And yknow whats the best thing of travelling. The planning of it all! Looking up for accomodation, things to do, places to visit, things to eat.

Two of my friends from uni lives there and I cant wait to visit them!


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Afternoon tea date

These days, I find it hard to have quality time with M. Zayan is in super clingy stage, clingier than when we were in Brunei. Macam tauuu saja kan ada baby adek. (He does point out to my bump as ‘baby’ and demands
to see baby/bump
at random times – even in public!)

Anyway, so I asked M to have a few hrs of me and him time. His sister’s staying over with us, so buleh jaga Zayan.

We headed to this countryside hotel for afternoon tea. It was quite nice actually the place and good weather too. It’s basically a big estate house with acres and acres of greenery (best of all, no dogs!).

Obligatory photo with house behind us

At what was a maze once upon a time with sun clock at centre (and M insisting on correcting the clock)

20140831-224756.jpgI took a selfie and turned out there was someone sitting not too far behind me. oops haha, malu sekajap.

Anyway, it’s nice to have some ‘us’ time. We can actually talk in peace and not have urang ketiga kacau daun (he insists on sitting between us nowadays and cannot see us hold hands).

Love you sayang, it’s gonna be our fourth year anniversary soon! Can’t believe how time flew us by. I consider us still ‘young’ in our marriage and hope that we’ll make it to our dementia years together! *morbid medic joke*

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